Recently I was given the assignment to speak in church on Father's Day. The following is the talk I gave today:
Many of you, I’m sure are familiar with the author Robert Fulghum. Among his writings, he suggests that all a person really needs to know, they learned in Kindergarten. Some of the principles he shares are: Play fair, don’t hit people, wash your hands before you eat, be aware of wonder and of course, take a nap every afternoon. In light of what day it is, I will now share with you Denise Kelly's “All I Really Need to Know I Learned from my Dad”. As a note of disclaimer, my mom was equally involved in molding me into the person I am today, but in light of it being fathers day, dad gets the credit! Here are a few of the lessons learned.
First: Be a hard worker: When I was young, the church leadership encouraged families to grow a garden, my family along with a group of others used a piece of land south of our city to split up into a number of family gardens. To say our garden was huge would be an understatement. From my recollection, it was the size of a football field. Of course I’m sure it wasn’t THAT big, but none the less, you would have to yell really loud to be heard from one end of a row to the other. Being the youngest sibling, I was not as quick a thinker as my older brothers at the time, who would convince my dad that they needed to mow the grass around the gardens, or rearrange the tools in the shed or a variety of other jobs. I on the other hand, was always relegated to weed pulling. This was the worst assignment of all, boring and tedious. I remember often declaring the job complete only to be turned around to do a better job. While this work ethic was often resented in my youth, I have come to appreciate the life lessons (and endless math facts) learned while weeding the many rows of vegetables, picking raspberries and doing other jobs. Now that I am a mother, and have also attended university where I saw many of my friends who spent their youths being pampered by their parents, I have passed on the joy of manual labour to my kids. I often chuckle when I find myself repeating phrases I heard come from my parents mouths now coming out of my mouth. While complaining about picking weeds from our grass a few weeks ago my boys were reminded that this would make them strong productive members of society, so keep picking!
Upon turning to the scriptures we see examples of hard work time and time again. In Genesis we learn of the work that went in to the creation of the world. Christ in his ministry spent countless hours labouring among his followers, bringing the word of God to the people.
Bruce R. McConkie said the following in Mormon Doctrine “Work is the great basic principle which makes all things possible both in time and in eternity.”
And finally, right about the time my parents got the idea to build their garden, President Spencer W. Kimball said: “We believe in work for ourselves and for our children. … We should train our children to work, and they should learn to share the responsibilities of the home and the yard. They should be given assignments to keep the house neat and clean, even though it be humble.
(in Conference Report, Apr. 1976, 5; or Ensign, May 1976, 5).
The second lesson I learned was to pay a full tithing. From a young age we were taught of the blessings of being a full tithe payer. While we were never given an allowance, my parents found many ways for us to earn money. One way we earned money was through a family lawn care business. When I was in elementary school my dad bought a power rake and a few other machines from a neighbor who was getting out of the landscaping business. So, for the next 13 odd years of my life, we did yard clean ups for neighborhood homes. There were many times I was less than happy to do the job (especially when we happened to end up at the home of someone I knew which was very embarrassing!). Being the low one on the totem pole, as usual, I was stuck with the most unappealing job of bagging and hauling the grass left from the power rake. This experience always proved worthwhile though as I was very happy to receive my large paycheck at the end of each week. This side business my dad started for us to earn spending money as kids turned into a large successful lawn care business that employed my older brothers and I through high school and every year during university. Tithing was always on the top of the list when we got paid and my parents shared their experiences with the blessing of paying ones tithes.
Through this business my dad started and by his example, I also learned how to manage money and people. As we got older, and took over the business, we were responsible for managing client accounts, bidding on jobs, paying employees and maintaining the equipment. This experience has helped me in paying household bills and other money related matters.
I also learned how to manage people. When I ran the company I had the choice opportunity at times to deal with irrational, overly picky, and grumpy clients. While I never allowed myself to be a door mat, I also practiced restraint, patience and gave the client the benefit of the doubt. I learned through this experience how to stand up for myself, and successfully interact with a wide variety of people. When Jesus preached the Sermon on the Mount, he said “whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also”. Rather than letting ego’s or the importance of being right get in the way. I learned that by following Christ’s example we should love all people.
Another lesson I learned from my dad was to have a house of order, both physically and spiritually. First, the physical house of order. My dad loves to organize, he has one of the most organized garages I have ever seen. People will call my dad looking for random tools and other items and more often than not, my dad will have it. My dad loves an organizational challenge. Finding the right rubbermaid containers for food storage or a way to fit everything in the storage shed for the winter is right up his alley. One afternoon recently I really shocked myself. My kids and I had just filled up our sand box with fresh sand for the summer and the girls jumped right in the sand box and started digging. I instinctively said to them “jump out girls and kneel on the edge and lean over then you won’t get sand in your clothes” I couldn’t believe it. These were the exact words I had hear over and over as a child. I now understood why he would tell us to lean over the edge! While I haven’t adopted all those habits, I do appreciate the value of a physical house of order and try my best to strive for order, with four kids trying their best to do the opposite. When I was young, my mom was in a couple of car accidents which made housework difficult and painful for her to do. My dad took over the responsibility of house cleaning and we all had our jobs to help out. I value that I saw my father regularly mopping the kitchen floor, washing windows and other jobs. Early on in our marriage, I learned that Jim also had the cleaning gene that my dad has.
Having a spiritual house of order was always of utmost importance to my parents. My dad was born into an LDS family but only his mom attended church and many family members were less active. My mom was baptized at the age of 21 when she legally had the right to do so. Because of their struggles to be active church members, my parents always taught us to value our church membership and work hard to develop ourselves and our testimonies. Each morning before leaving for work and school we would gather as a family in prayer. By no means were we 100% at having family home evenings, my parents tried hard and we had the spirit in our home. When we were older kids and teenagers, we would have what was called ‘family discussion’ on Sunday’s after church. My poor mom didn’t know till years later that my oldest brother threatened my other brother and I that we were to sit there, don’t move and answer questions briefly so we would be done as quick as possible. He was much bigger than we were, so we almost always were very well behaved during our ‘family discussion’. Many nights I would walk by my parents room and see them reading their scriptures or saying their nightly prayers together. My parents were far from perfect in parenting, but it is the leading by example that I remember the most.
My dad (and mom) have a love for the scriptures. Many years ago my dad learned in General conference that if one read a chapter of the Book of Mormon every day, and five or so on Sunday, you could finish the book in the six months between general conferences. He has done this many times and through his love of the scriptures, he has shown his children the importance of them, and passed on that love. In 1Nephi 19:23 after reading many different books of scripture, Nephi says the following “I did liken all scriptures unto us, that it might be for our profit and learning.” I appreciate that my parents made the scriptures relevant to us and applied it to the experiences that we were going through.
The most important lesson I have learned from my dad is the importance of being a loving kind parent. President Howard W. Hunter said the following to fathers:
Earn the respect and confidence of your children through your loving relationship with them. A righteous father protects his children with his time and presence in their social, educational, and spiritual activities and responsibilities. Tender expressions of love and affection toward children are as much the responsibility of the father as the mother. Tell your children you love them" ("Being a Righteous Husband and Father," Ensign, Nov 1994, 49.)
From a young age my dad would sit with me at bedtime and share with me stories from his youth. I felt like I was there with him as his grandfather gave him his first horse to ride, when he was waiting out in the rain for a bus that never came and ended up getting terribly sick, or seeing Santa and his sleigh flying through the air from an attic farmhouse window with his cousin on Christmas Eve. Through these stories, I got to know my dad as a different person than the man I knew. I saw him as a young boy, a grandson, a cousin and a son. I learned of some of the mischievous deeds of his youth, and the deep love he had for his immediate and extended family. As I grew older, and could recite the stories verbatim, my dad started reading to me from his missionary journals. Through the years of reading, I heard over and over of my dads love of the gospel and his love of the people he was teaching. He never needed to sit me down and lecture me on the importance of the scriptures, having faith, or being a good example, I learned it all through his written journals. This also was a special time of bonding with my dad. Now that I have my own family, I encourage my children to listen to stories of our childhoods and that of our parents.
I believe that there is a special bond between children and their dads. Whenever one of us was hurt or really sad, it was my dad that we would cry for. My mom of course was loving and kind, but there is something special about a dad. With my kids I encourage them to seek out their dad for the tender love that come from a dad. My parents always encouraged me to do my best and accepted me for who I was. On more than one occasion my dad has answered the telephone to a teary daughter, frustrated with schooling, tired of being pregnant, or angry about the trials of being a mom. Through these times of trial and times of happiness I have been met with words of compassion, wisdom and love.
I know my dad isn’t perfect, he, like all of us, has weaknesses and shortcomings. But, I do know that he is striving to be a good person and return to Heavenly Father. Because of this, I am trying to emulate his good habits and apply the lessons I have learned from him, into my life.
It's been a few months now that we've been in school but I figured I'd document that indeed we were there, school started, yadda yadda...
Maren started Kindergarten this year and loves every minute. She especially loves lunch recess when she see's Spencer out on the play ground. Maren has made lots of new friends this year, her other 'princess' friends ended up in different classes so she got to branch out a bit. Maren also started her first year of soccer and is quite an aggressive little lady on the field!
Spencer started grade two this year and thus far it is a big improvement on his gr 1 year. His teachers this year really love him and he is enjoying going. Spencer continues to play soccer and is having a great time.
Dallin started grade 5 this year and is at the middle school which is grades 5-8. He gets on the bus at 7:20am which has been an adjustment for us! We are up earlier every day which generally is good so we get our day started bright and early.
